Rioteers: The decline and fall.
Regular correspondents will note this is the 62nd fixture between the Broadhalfpenney Brigands and the Rioteers, and so it seems fair to articulate the terminus of our unbeaten season using a historical narrative – “with a tiny bit of cribbin’ / from the works of Edward Gibbon”..
Nobody really understands where the Romans went wrong… it was all going so well. One minute you’re crossing the Rhine, and the next Visigoths are rampaging along the Tiber.
Likewise the Rioteers arrived undefeated, in mid June, with a strong attacking force, well drilled, with Centurians at our fore. And we arrived at our enemies stronghold well replenished and resourced. The weather was in our favour too, and we held the higher ground, choosing to attack first with a duo of Harringtii. Surely we would complete a season undefeated.
But suddenly as if accosted by riders on Elephants we were surprised by rampaging Brigands. Harringtii were skittled, Nandix followed soon after, and our heroes were forced to thrust younger warriors into the fray. This stemmed the tide, and Vir Bonus Edii collected over XX scalps before falling to the opposition Achillies. This Achillies also claimed the scalp of Genus Crataegus, and was proving to be difficult to defend.
Hillus soon followed caught unawares, but this brought our own Hercules to the fore. Morganii et Hillierati our strongest warriors, but the Brigands regrouped, and unleashed a volley of new assaults which saw off Hillierati, leaving our lone warrior Morganii, to take on the now rampant Brigands.
We now gathered the administrative and reserve troops to support our warrior. Morganii took on the role of Horatius Cocles defending the Pons Sublicius, wielding his blade to slay the Brigands to all corners, but the tide was unrelenting..
Eventually Morganii Eunt Domus, as they say, in all good latin lessons, past participle allowing, (for XLIX) and our final roman, good Robertus, was left wounded but battling.
We were defeated, but had slain CLVI, and went to regroup, the Brigands may have won the initial battle, but would they win the war?
At this point the oxen arrived, laden with provisions to re-enforce, and we re-victuled. We revictualled rather well in fact.
And so in good spirits we went about the second phase, but the Brigands were on top. However a rare Bodicea joined to strengthen our ranks. Our emperor, esteemed and revered, sent in two of our finest to send in their missiles.
The leaders of the two catapults, Hillus and Hillieratii, were firing fast, but not with accuracy, and although they secured 1 scalp, the cost was high, and they were removed from the fray. Vir Bonus Edii started the difficult attack up the hill, and made good progress, but the Brigands were nearing their objective, and we threw everything at them. The Emperor himself joined the attack, regal in poise, and cast some memorable blows. By now Achillies himself had returned to the fray. Recognising his nemesis, the Emperor threw everything at him. Out fought, Achillies retreated, but not defeated, and approached from another flank, and landed blow after blow, using a blade of pure malice, swinging hard, and slaying VI at a time.
The Rioteers were defeated, and fell.
Some say Rome fell because of the rise of Christianity, some say due to lead in the pipes, yet others will point to the Mongol hordes sweeping to the very gates of Europe. Gibbons seminal work, 6 volumes, offers some pointers. [Gibbon himself pointed to a combination of such factors, but also highlighted the migration of many from the cities to rural areas, and the creation of latifundia – sometimes large farms, sometimes small pieces of land used for self-sufficiency. Anyway, Rome’s power base was its cities, and this migration undermined that. Ed.]
However if you have any mind at all, simile to Gibbon’s decline and Fall, seems pretty flimsy, no more than a whimsy.
The undefeated season is no more.