On holiday in Cornwall the usual apartment Daneille Steel, Wilbur Smith and Jonh le Carre’s were supplemented by the ‘Art of Captaincy’  first published in 1985  – the book draws on Mike Brealey’s various experiences while captaining Middlesex and later leading England to the famous Ashes victory in 1981.

Being the only cricket book which talks about and explores the various challenges a cricket team captain must surmount, it has often been referred to as a “treatise on captaincy”. (Scott 2011).

It was therefore considered appropriate for our captain to undertake the arduous task of reading this tome in preparation for the stiff challenge to be posed by the strong East Meon team…

However after two and a half chapters of ‘Brian Close was a bit of a hard case’, ‘as a professional I began in a different dressing room’, and ‘after 4 days I suggested to Bob that he bowl from the other end’ I decided that there was little I could learn, and closed the epistle from 1981 and went back to the beach.

Arriving at East Meon with a strong team, well articulated by match manger Hillier (A) our captain was quick to lose the toss, and be put out to grass for the 150 mins before tea.

But on a small pitch, with short boundaries, and against a traditionally strong batting line up, and with Hillier ( B) bowling down the hill and Harrington (E) bowling up, and with a team packed full of youth, with aged mariner Hawthorne being the senior pro for the first time, the impressive Rioteers kept it tight.

One key ball from Hillier actually pitched online, moved off the seam, and as their captain groped blindly for the ball, it tickled the outside edge, and sped at waist height to the waiting first slip.

Our captain had set an aggressive field knowing the value of this first wicket and had his most reliable fielders at slips one and two, with Hillier and Hawthorne enjoying the focus this gives them.

As the ball flew threw the gap where Hillier had been, for 4, and setting their captain on track for an 85 ball score as part of an overall total of 155, our captain thought, not for the first time, if he’d got past chapter 2 he’d know what Brearley would do now, as he looked over at Hillier standing in a very recent and innovative deep fly slip position.

But setting this inside, the captain knuckled down and with Harrington taking a couple, and wickets slowly mounting, including a great run out from Sudip, and with runs tight, he brought himself on. Thinking like Brearley at last, and so it proved to be, as he returned wicketless, (Brearley 461 FC matches, three wickets).

However we kept on going, and soon had them all bowled out, 10 mins before  tea for 155. We’d bowled and fielded well and with the trio of spinners combined with the searing pace offered by our other bowlers, we settled into tea in a positive frame of mind, a frame made all the more positive when the first view of the cakes on offer were viewed. Following on from a delicious set of homemade pork wellingtons, there was a glorious strawberry gateaux, a stunning Dundee fruit cake, and outstanding scones and cream.

Our captain felt like Brearley for the first time, surely they don’t get stuff this good at lords?

Our captains next task was similar to the choice each player was offered on attendance at the tea table, as he viewed the not inconsiderable batting talent on display.

And at 94 for 4 with 18 overs to go, we had batted sensibly, with Sudip, new recruits Samil and Harrington playing well, but not going big. Big was reserved  for newly veteran Hawthone, oldest for the first time ever, who with agility belying his elderly status flogged the ball to all corners, including shot of the day a cover drive rocketing to the boundary.

As Hillier (B) strode to the wicket at 4 down, the captain’s instructions were clear. Play yourself in, see off a couple of overs, and then go Botham.  However the bowling which had been tight all game, became tighter still, and on his third ball, having seen himself in, and facing the East Meon Captain, the middle stump was uprooted, and the game changed..

However still with rabbits in the hutch we ticked along towards the target, but the East Meon captain kept it tight, and wickets kept coming, and our 10 and 11 came together with 28 needed off the last four.

Williams and Hiller seeking a famous win knuckled down to the task, batted out two overs, and were left with 24 off the last two overs, with all four results still available.

The penultimate over was Captain v Captain, and some gloriously aggressive shots ( go for the win!) delivered very little in the way of runs, until the 5th ball, when an outside edge flew high to the right of the keeper, and was brilliantly caught, giving captain Atkinson a five wicket haul ( to go with his 85). Our captain’s contribution was 0 wickets and 1 run.

So whilst a glorious afternoon of cricket ended in a narrow defeat, the conclusion from this is that whilst Brearly may view captaincy as an art, the more one steps into the requirements as Rioteer’s captain the more one realises that if the opposition captain takes half their teams wickets and scores half their teams runs, then its not an art but more of a mathematical calculation where

C(EM) (½ R * ½ W) > C(R) (0R*0W).

Sunday last Rioteers visited one of only 2 New Forest clubs still on our fixture list, Cadnam CC, the other being Bramshaw. What, I wonder, happened to Bashley Rydal, Beaulieu, Bransgore, Brockenhurst, Burley, Fawley, Hinton Admiral and Lyndhurst to name those I can remember?

Cadnam is a typical NF ground: sylvan setting, rustic pavilion, though recently renovated, and with a much anticipated provision of an excellent tea.

Despite these attractions, we struggled to raise a team until Campbell extracted yet another rabbit out of his hat, Oscar made a welcome return to the team and Cadnam generously loaned two players. In the event, our two septuagenarians were not required, enabling them to perform the functions of umpire and scorer.
Before your correspondent proceeds with too much detail, let him remind you that Sudip has already informed us that the whole match is on film on Cadnam CC’s website.

Rioteers batted first with a sound opening partnership between Sudip and Martin until the latter was unfortunately run out. Sudip went on to play some delightful on drives in his 26. The opening partnership served to see off Cadnam’s excellent opening attack: pace from the pavilion end, accuracy at the other.

Cadnam’s Jack Hinton came in at 3 but he was gleefully stumped as reward for his willingness to play for the opposition.

There followed an excellent stand between brothers Archie and Bertie each of whom went on to score half centuries before retiring in the true sport of Sunday cricket. We all know how devastating Bertie can be so it was good to see him play himself in before firing a fusilade of sixes into the surrounding woodland. Archie was the perfect partner (though it is doubtful if the participants themselves would describe it thus) in that he combined judicious defence with powerful drives along the ground.

Finally, Cadnam’s Watkinson and our own Campbell provided some fireworks at the c of the innings to boost the final score to 259 for 3 off 40 overs. 
There followed a truly wonderful tea in the best tradition of the retired Val’s exalted reputation. Superlatives cannot do justice to the hospitality we received: let us simply offer our sincere thanks to all concerned.

A score of 259 allowed Campbell to give no fewer than 10 of the Rioteers the opportunity to bowl. Oscar opened with a tidy spell of induckers at medium pace. He fully deserved the first wicket, a Yorker that clean bowled the opposing skipper. By contrast, at the other end Roberto provided a little more variety: some deliveries dispensed with any use of the wicket, others would have been lethal on the wicket a couple beyond the one upon which we were playing. However, after a few words of self admonishment (at least your reporter thinks that is what he was saying) Roberto settled down to bowl well and take a wicket.
Of the other bowlers, the two loanees did well: Jack Hinton and Whitehorn (apologies: first name not known) each took two wickets whilst newcomer Simon Long from Trojans took another.

However, the star of procedings after tea was Cadnam’s number three batsman, Peter Biddlecombe who also made a fifty before retiring. His patient and technically correct innings included shots rarely witnessed in Sunday cricket: the most delicate late cuts, so pleasing on the eye. Peter also deserves congratulations on producing such a good batting wicket after such a miserable spring.
In the end Cadnam ran out of overs at 166 for 7.

Rioteers won by 93runs, more than they actually scored in the previous week’s ignominious defeat.

Finally, an apology from your correspondent to Campbell which those of you who played at Hyde End will find ironic: I should have upheld your appeal for LBW with a superb leg stump Yorker!

You know you are in trouble when …

• You pull Braz out of retirement to bat and he is the only one not out
• When the chili and cheese festival is more exciting than the Rioteers batting
• When Rinaldo scores the most runs
• There are more Rioteers’ ducks than ducks in the Itchen
• You score 76 runs
• You are all out so quickly that the chocolate eclairs have to be rushed out of the oven to have for the tea

All was not lost as …

• You make 76 runs and still play hard in the field
• The newbie Jago (thanks Harry) took a wicket, made a catch and was solid in the field
• Alfie kept his cool the whole match without incident
• You go the King Alfred with the Racqueteers when the game is all said and done – thanks Racqueteers!

There was a moment against Coombe Bisset when it all came together.. after numerous phone calls, weather checks, and wet shoes, we were twenty from the target, with plenty of overs left, enough rabbits still in the hutch,  two third-generation Rioteers at the crease batting nicely and then for the first time this year the sun came out.

There was calm, the birds stopped singing, and all we heard as the runs piled up was the metronomic crack of leather upon Willow.

And then just like you’ve done, we lost focus. Harry was out, Greg missed a straight one that didn’t bounce, Hillier nurdled, Williams didn’t, and Hall with 6 runs to go, missed a straight full toss, and it was all over.

Still, we did get to go to the pub .

It had all started so well, Harry had come up trumps, and brought someone who could actually bowl, left arm and quick, welcome to Barny, and with Harry we actually had a bowling attack that was potent.

With Greg now one year taller and Hall one year older, the first change bowling also kept it on the straight and narrow and picked up some wickets in the light drizzle, and eventually before a very hearty tea, we had them all out, as easy as 123.

The bread pudding sampled, returned too, and enjoyed, we reflected on the first tea of the season, with a batting line up with oozed class.

Brazier scratched the names of Hillier (J) and Perera (P) in the score book, and our first runs of the season were on the board.  The proverbial opening pair (see Matthew 7:24-27) eventually gave way to more, and then quickly more again, before it settled with Harry and Greg calmly accumulating, and the sun came out and it was all going well.

Before 4 quick wickets and Hillier was left out in the sunshine 6 runs too short and without any more partners.

We might have lost, but we were dry, and ready for refreshment.

The cow will never get through that door Eddie…

Dum dee dum dee dum dee dee…

And now we leave the Archers and move across to join the team on longwave for Test Valley Match Special, sponsored by Win Viz, over to you Aggers, cue Booker T.

Thank you and welcome to the cauldron of Chute, high up in the Test Valley, where the visitors have just won the toss and decided to bat, with a strong batting line up, and an aggressive opening pair, we’ll just check Win Viz, but already they seem to be favourites. And now it’s over to Geoffrey.

Win Viz Chute 42% Rioteers 58%.

Aye, as my granny used to say, if you’re going to cook a rhubarb crumble, cook it low and slow, you need a strong foundation. These two openers Hill and Brazier, doing just that, and 10 overs in we’re 30 without loss, in spite of some excellent bowling. Perfect. And I’m handing over to Jonners.

Win Viz Chute 58% rioteers  42%

Hello again, delicious scenes at lower Chute, with a man in white picking blackberries on the boundary, and for those of you watching in colour, it’s the same!. Oh I say, three quick wickets and suddenly the Rioteers are 60-3 after 20. Excellent bowling by young chute side, and Rioteers are in trouble. But a cake has just arrived, chocolate my favourite, made by a Miss Gleeson of Pangbury hill. Over to CMJ.

Win Viz Chute 69% Rioteers 31%

Good afternoon, I’d say. Thank you Brian, ever the optimist. However the Rioteers look to be in trouble, but Besse seems to be on a rescue mission. Massive striking. I remember Botham in 81, very similar, and now Smith, two middle order strikers like this not seen since Proctor. And with Hillier striding to wicket some how up to 150 -7. , surely to accelerate. And over to Arlott.

Win Viz Chute 54% Rioteers 46%

I have seen London buses with more acceleration, and thank you for that exquisite contribution Hillier, I once ate duck in Peking with the imperial ambassador,  this one was finished quicker. A delicious Merlot goes well with duck, but we are pressed to return to the combatants, and after a flurry of activity from the solicitoresque Norbury Nall and Williams, we are left with Brazier not out, carried his bat on 44, after 35 overs, and the Rioteers on 172. Geoffery, 44 off 35 overs… Aye a tad quick for my liking. Over to Tuffers.

Win Viz Chute 50% Rioteers 50%

Well I think the scores are abut even stevens here. This outfield is so slow it would make my fielding seem quick. So chasing 173 is not going to be easy. But I spy a delicious tea, and a tray of large doughnuts, very good effort, and after all that batting, I think I shall tuck in.  I’m to be replaced by Jim.

This young lad Hill to open with the new ball, I’ve not seen a young man with an action like this since Lillee in 74, hair like his too. But now the shipping forecast, and then over to Blowers.

Win Viz Chute 38% Rioteers 62%

Well you come back from the salty future of shipping to find things have swung very much in the Rioteers favour, quick wickets from Hill, and Williams brought on to replace Besse, see the Chute faithful looking for hope in a new south African. Similarly, I’ve just completed a very youthful Pinotage, with my good friend Jerry Boam over lunch and I seem to be seeing the ball like this new bat. He’s taking a liking to Williams medium pace. The ball is now going a long way. Victor, perhaps you can make a difference?

Win Viz Chute 70% Rioteers 30%

Thank you for that. Well things are turning. The Rioters have opted for an in out field I first saw Brearley employ against the marauding West Indians. With Richards down one end and Clive Lloyd down the other, and its slowed the rate, but they need to remove Williams soon, he’s getting hammered.  Hold On the Bearded Wonder wants to chip in.

Win Viz Chute 85% Rioteers 15%

Well I’ve been through the records, and consulted with club statistician, and that earlier 13 ball over from the Chute bowler, is the longest since Culmer 18 ball epic from 2018. Still some distance to the Stafford benchmark. However their bat is now approaching his hundred and we’ve less than 50 runs needed, with lots of overs and wickets left. But now the Welsh drawl of Lewis.

Win Viz Chute 90% Rioteers 10%

I was brough up in Swansea, good shipbuilding area, but ive not seen a hammering like this for many years. This lad is flying, but good to see a young welsh name coming on, Williams from the opposite end and Hillier in the pair. And we’ve had some wickets, Williams picking up a couple, not the right ones, and Hillier bagging one or two as well, suddenly they’re 7 down but only 20 runs left. I wonder if the Alderman can help.

Win Viz Chute 97% Rioteers 3%

Thank you Tony, well I’ve not seen striking this clean, since Doug Padgett in 1959 at Hove, and that’s a fabulous hundred from the Chute man. The Rioteers have spent most of the game trying to get the ball from the field, with a challenging fenceline. Hillier in particular is struggling to get his leg over. Brian? Hurrumph. Aggers do stop it. 10 runs to go, three wickets left 3 over to go. Perhaps its only fitting that we hand the predictable climax over to the mellifluous Swanton.

Win Viz Chute 99.9% Rioteers 0.1%

When I served in the Bedfordshire Yeomanry during the war, I can tell you we were in some tight spots, but I say, Hill has caught their main man with 6 runs needed. And young Williams has bowled their number 10! Suddenly with 11 balls to go, Chute need two to win. The field comes in, oh this is like the West Indies v Australia in 1960.

Big slog from number 11 off Williams, now one away from his debut five wicket haul, but the active Besse in the field prevents the win, and the scores are tied. One wicket needed to tie!

10 balls left, and Williams on four wickets flights another beauty, the young 13 ball hero from earlier dances down the track plays gloriously through the covers, misses, and is stumped by young Smith… it’s a tie!

Win Viz Has exploded.

The Rioteers came into this game with a season record of WWW (WWWWW if you include the last two games of the 2022 season). Would they continue their run of form?

Two days out there were problems. Injury meant the team sheet was down to 8 men. Arrangements for tea were looking uncertain. How would the Rioteers manage…? Captain Campbell to the rescue! He found youngsters Tom and Zac to debut for us. And understanding the importance of a good tea for optimum Rioteer performance, he started baking! George found a second Hugo for the team and we were up to 11.

Our hosts kindly let us bat first as Campbell and Greg were delayed. Simon and Martin opened, with George at number 3. All started well, each suggesting the possibility of a big score, but Simon (14) and George (22) were both caught trying to hit out, and Martin (31) was run out. The early middle order came and went quickly and it was left to Alfie (top scorer with a beautifully paced 40) and Hugo Prince to stabilise the innings. Princey’s bat was making nice contact with the ball, until he overstretched clubbing a ball to the leg side, sustaining a side strain severe enough to need to retire hurt on 17. Following an elegant, but all too brief innings from Cledders, the second Hugo (Andrae) joined Alfie, and between them they accelerated the Rioteers to a decent total. Hugo was unbeaten on 27, joined at the end by Campbell for a 3 ball 11 n.o. Rioteers 206 for 8 at tea.

Thank you Campbell and Greg for the delicious cakes and sandwiches, and to Hursley Park for tea and hosting.

The Rioteers declared at tea. Consistently good bowling from the youth section (Zac, Tom, Greg and Alfie – who I understand is still only 17) kept the Hursley score under control and wickets fell at intervals, but at 115 for 3, and the Hursley’s two outstanding batsmen on the day Sharma and T. Flynn looking good, the Rioteers streak of wins looked about to end…

In steps the more experienced section of the bowling attack. Hugo A., Campbell and George subdued the middle order, leaving Martin to come in to bamboozle the tail with flight and guile, assisted by smart work behind the stumps by Alfie and clean up with the glory of bagging a fourfer. Hursley 174 all out.

Thank you Hursley Park for hosting and lending us a fielder.

Well done Rioteers. WWWW for the season so far.

[Report written by Sudip Nandy.]

Early season lack of availability meant that 3 debutants were brought in for this game: Andy Marks (ex-Hursley), Sam Golledge (youngster, trying cricket out again after a few years) and Mark Nall (not so youngster, trying cricket out again after 35 years!).

The Rioteers were greeted with bright sunshine and patriotic bunting throughout the village and at Hursley Park’s ground “The Quarters”. It felt like we were approaching “peak English summer”.

Captain Campbell was delayed by umpiring duties at the Trojans vs. Hursley under-13’s game. So following introductions in the dressing room and tales of yester-year from Richard B., Simon B. stepped up for the toss, but the Hursley captain generously offered Rioteers first bat as we were one short at the start.

A solid foundation was laid by Andy and Simon, with an opening partnership of 41, including Andy getting off the mark with a 6! Andy was caught hitting out for a well compiled 28. Sudip N. and Robert R. came and went quickly, to bring in George R., who was to play the match defining innings. Clean hitting from the start by George and steady accumulation at the other end from Simon kept the scoreboard ticking along at a good clip. A back niggle saw Simon retiring at 40, bringing Martin Hillier in to carry on the good work. George was eventually out lbw for 78, and Martin holed out at deep mid-on for 20. Mark and Sam each enjoyed brief returns to the middle, and the final phase of the Rioteers innings consisted of some lusty hitting from Campbell, supported at the other end by the walls of Richard and John H.

Tea was taken at 4.50 (following the late start at 2.20). The spread of cakes was particularly delightful, as the players mingled with the spectators over refreshments.

The Rioteers declared at the tea-time score of 218 for 8.

We opened our bowling with the youthful quick bowling of Sam, and the wily medium pace of Campbell. Sam took a couple of overs to settle into his line and length, and then bowled accurately but without wicket in his opening spell of 5 overs. Campbell at the other end was miserly, giving away just 5 runs in 5 overs, and taking the wicket of the Hursley opener who was bamboozled by the flight/rotation/pace of his deadly slow ball – bowled! Also a couple of good looking lbw appeals were turned down.

John and Martin came on as first and second change. John dropped on to his exemplary line and length, and was rewarded with the wicket of the other opener in his first over, lbw, the Rioteers by this time appealing in a much more professional manner!

There then ensued a fascinating tussle between bat and ball. The Hursley middle order batted well, but Hall, Hillier, Rinaldo and Rees matched them. Robert got the important wicket of Brimble (O.), and a smart stumping by Simon helped him gain his second wicket. Martin bowled with flight, guile and the occasional boundary ball (deliberate I’m sure to tempt Hursley with a hint that they were in with a chance), and produced a box office 4^th over, including two wickets, with the aid of excellent catches at mid-on and mid-off by Sam and Richard.

George bowled tightly and picked up 2 wickets, and Mark bowled an eventful single over, including catching the batsman’s top edge off a length ball which then crashed into the batsman’s face. A black eye followed but fortunately no serious injury; the batsman sensibly decided to become the second retiree of the game.

When Martin came back on with about 3 overs left and 20 something runs to get, all 4 results were possible. The trap was set. Hursley’s outstanding batsman Brimble (M.) had just reached 50… Hillier sent down a short of length delivery disguised as a boundary ball … it was pulled to deep mid wicket … straight into Andy’s safe hands. Well held, and a WIN for the Rioteers! By 25 runs.

The bar was open, the barbeque was on, and a pleasant post match analysis was held in the evening sun. Thank you Hursley Park for your generous hosting in a beautiful setting.

Once again the Rioteers were lured to that epitome of a Sunday fixture: Newport Inn CC at Braishfield. So many aspects of this fixture typify the amateur Sunday game: the 2.30pm start, gloriously defying current trends for early combat which would deprive dedicated Rioteers of their lunchtime pint (pintS, Ed.); the wooden pavilion with a more than passing resemblance to a garden shed; and by no means least, the fact that one team had 14 players, the other, only 10. Can you imagine, dear reader, India lending a struggling England a couple of players if the occasion were to arise? No? Well, that is precisely what the Rioteers altruistically offered Newport Inn CC on Sunday last.

You may recall that the weather forecast for the weekend in question invoked the now all too familiar apocalyptic elements (Michael Fish it’s your fault!). On this occasion the cause of apprehension was not storm and flood, but extreme heat- and here comes the connection with the first paragraph for those readers already inclined to accuse the Match Manager of a brazen lack of continuity in this report. In order to cope with the expected debilitating conditions, it was proposed to play 12 a side, but with only 11 on the field at one time, and only 11 to bat. Thus, each player would be allowed a few overs’ break to recover from the heat- essential for the Rioteers with 2 septuagenarians in the “squad”. However, the opposition reported a deficiency of one in their team, whilst at that point the Rioteers had potentially 16 available! However, at late stages Simon H withdrew as he was on (in?) Alderney and wished to avoid the heat wave; no doubt he was enjoying the attractions of the island with which those players who recently visited this offshore haven would readily empathise, and Harry H. was offered a ticket for the final of one of the new-fangled competitions with which seriously traditional Rioteers would not empathise! (only kidding Harry Ed.) On the day, Archie H. volunteered to play for the opposition along with his Uni.  mate, Guy. Interestingly, the latter, a would-be army officer, found himself confronting an actual one: Lt Col Tim Osman. In the event, in terms of runs scored, the potential shaded the actual….

….which , at last, leads us to the game itself. Rioteers batted first and opened with experience: Martin H. and Major Tom (so sorry: wrong rank and wrong vowel! Ed). Tim was into his stride more quickly and seemed well set with a score in the 20s when he holed out to mid-on who took a good catch from a fierce drive. Robert R. was promoted to number four and mixed his baseball shots in the arc between mid-wicket and square leg with a few runs on the offside. Mark N. ( the method of using the initial letter of the surname avoids the Match Manager’s propensity for spelling this particular case incorrectly!) came in next and produced in an abbreviated innings, one absolutely magnificent pull for 4 to square leg off Newport’s quickish opening bowler. Williams father and son came next, Campbell scoring more boundaries but Greg definitely playing with the straighter bat! Meanwhile, Martin continued his measured and responsible innings, most unfairly labelled “boring” by his unappreciative offspring.

Another brief innings followed from Hugo P. with some lusty blows and great enthusiasm; no wonder he engenders so much good will from the rest of the team but also a degree of micky-taking which he endures with consummate bonhomie. Thereafter, some aggressive batting ensued which quickly piled on the runs: Dan C. contributed some classic shots, Bertie H. some of sheer power but also at least one cover drive on the ground which scorched the already ochre turf. Both went in their 20s before last man, Zach O., came in and, as had Greg before him, demonstrated the potential which had older members of the team hoping that these young players would be with us whenever possible in future seasons.

Finally, but certainly not least, let us return to Martin’s performance in carrying his bat (if you listened to his sons you would think that was literally all he did) of 85 not out in a team score of 210 for 9. This was by no means Martin’s highest score but it was a beautifully constructed and well paced innings, containing familiar singles (including attempts to put off the fielder, Archie no less, by shouting, “quick, they are looking for two!” when he had no such intention), heaves to mid-wicket, nowadays called “slog-sweeps”, and, believe it or not, classic cover drives off front and back foot.

In truth, the score seemed too much for the opposition, and so it proved but not before 163 runs were grittily carved out and with the game extending well enough into the final 20 overs for considerable interest to be maintained. Rioteers opened the bowling with 2 players of contrasting age but similarly classic sideways on actions. In the event neither Dan nor Zach had much luck but both were a pleasure to watch. First change was Bertie with considerable extra pace – your reporter can confirm that his pace indeed compared favourably with that of the opening bowlers for Hampshire Academy recently observed at Alton. Father and son both bowled, Campbell taking a wicket early in his spell, Greg gaining his with some very well flighted off-spinners. Sam, Mark and Hugo all enjoyed decent spells before Bertie came back to finish things off.

In case you had forgotten, dear reader, we shall now return to the original theme: the lending of players from one team to another. In this case, Archie and Guy proved invaluable in making a partnership of more than 50 at a late stage in Newport’s innings. Archie played some fine shots and it is no exaggeration to say that had he not got out, the Rioteers may soon have been worried. Guy brought his own brand of unconventional, but nevertheless effective batsmanship (and a degree of humorous gamesmanship it should be noted) to the occasion and was well on his way to half century when he too was unexpectedly dismissed. All in all, is it any wonder that this is such a popular fixture in the Rioteers’ season? Our thanks to Newport Inn for their hospitality on and off the field (the tea was superb!).

There are few phrases more certain to bring an element, a frisson, if you will, of interest to a relationship than the ‘so what happened on tour? ‘ interrogation upon re-arrival at the familial abode.

The traditional response of ‘what goes on tour stays on tour’ rarely suffices to calm the interrogator, so for the first time the full, unexpurgated, uncensored details are revealed.

There will be no hidden phrases subtly placed for the knowing to spot, but invisible to the unaware. If a 23 year old Columbian twerker dressed for summer were to join the tour party at 2am one morning, this report would tell you about her. Our correspondent will not refer to ‘vibrant tropical flavours supplementing the evenings refreshment’.

So prepare yourself, the first time, for a detailed tour report. If you are of a shy, or nervous disposition it may be worth averting ones attention, and returning to the wholehearted goodness that is Wimbledon.

Some facts are undeniable. Alderney is an unusual but mesmeric tour location, buffeted by tide and time, and nestling a mere mashie niblick from our Gallic cousins.

Our 13 intrepid tourists congregated on this isolated rock, prepared and honed for three days of physicality, and ready to defend the Rioteers honour. An honour built up over many years through honest sporting toil with the locals.

Once congregated there was the little matter of accommodating and provisioning, before time for relaxation in advance of the initial engagement

By now the sky was high, clear and blue, the sun a massive gleaming grapefruit ripening above us, and the simplest pleasures were afforded us.

An hour or two of childlike endeavour amongst the purest of sands, with the feel of a ball between the fingers and the bracing sea between the toes, prepared the spirits and heightened the senses, in advance of the 4pm arrival of the congregating islanders for our first formal engagement.

The 20:20 is not the last weekend train to depart Waterloo for Totleigh-in-the-Wold, but the challenge which faced us that glorious summer evening, and faced it we did, with verve, aplomb, and panache.

It has been said the Rioteer will celebrate a defeat with the same gusto as he celebrates a win, but on this Friday there were no comparative benchmarks for assessment, as the metronomic regularity of wickets, sixes and incident, provided an early evening tonic for the gathering crowd. Celebrations underway, the evening progressed.

Statistics, as they are, provide only the merest hint of the occasion and are available elsewhere, so we must instead rely on this correspondent’s view of these initial skirmishing’s, which can be confirmed as wholeheartedly positive from all perspectives, and beginning to generate an impressive esprit de corps.

Retiring early the team reflected positively on our initial assignation, and committed to maintain an aggressive pace over the remaining weekend.

The breakfast table on tour, is a time of reflection, of engagement, and of rehydration. Few have breakfasted fuller than the Rioteers on this morn, and whilst Alderney may lack newspapers, people and religion, it has a significant market for pork based goods and butter, so for a Rioteer emerging into an overcast morning it was the perfect location.

With all 13 Rioteers re fuelled and ready the scene was set for the weekends main event, the trophy match.

The Alderney ashes.

Stories are legend about the origin of this mythical timber, however the facts are that at a little over 7 inches of hard polished wood, it represents the ultimate ambition of each Rioteer to lay there hands on this beguiling object.

And so into the fray.

By now the season had transformed into autumn, bluster and buffet were the conditions faced by the captains aiming for success as they strode forcefully through the winds to the toss.

The Rioteers were invited to bat, and they accepted the invitation, and whilst the weather stayed dry, it was the breeze and opposition that threw everything at us.

But the Rioteers had not travelled overseas to capitulate at the first hint of stormy conditions, and rowed into calmer water of the mid innings break well positioned for a win, with good performances scattered across the team, with particular praise being heaped upon individuals who can be read about for posterity on the Alderney honours board.

However cricket is nothing without its traditions and one of these is that those who contributed little with the bat have the chance to partake of massive carbohydrate loading in order to contribute little with the ball, and the full array of carbohydrates were on offer at the tea interval to those who had, and had yet to contribute.

The Rioteers as ever out stayed their welcome at the refreshment table, but eventually moved out into the gathering storm.

Having set a defendable target, the Rioteers progressed to defending it, but as the wind blew the runs increased, and the game moved slowly towards its epic conclusion.

Whilst averages, run rates, strike rates, and ipl values can tell you so much, the story of this match was the ceaseless endeavour of a small band of team mates in horrific weather conditions battling through adversity.

If Shackleton himself had surveyed the scene, he would have scuttled his boat and stayed indoors with the remaining tea but the howling gales were nothing to a Rioteer keen to lay his hands on the 7 inches.

And run by run, wicket by wicket the game inched, head down, into the eye of the storm.

The storm when it broke, torrential, with sheets of rain, came too late to affect the outcome, by which time all participants were safely retained under the pavilion enclosure, refreshing and rehydrating.

The winners celebrations were unrestrained, and whilst outcomes will have been shared worldwide, and the highlights package is even now the subject of a vigorous bidding war, it is worthy of note that this was the 13th match between the two sides, and there has yet to be a draw.

Retiring from the pavilion, further refreshment called, and partaking of a delicious evening repast, amongst friends, the events mellowed, and allowed further reflection.

Some wine was taken, then some more, and as the storm relented the Rioteers sought shelter elsewhere, eventually retiring back to our accommodation where those with remaining energy discussed the events of the day with a nightcap refreshment which was supplemented with vibrant tropical flavours.

Again, the morning dawned, and again the Rioteers gathered at the breakfast table, a little older, a little wiser and a little poorer.

But reflective of a famous match and prepared to forgo mainland life for 4 more hours, before ascending once more to the skies and normal life.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and whilst this 1,200 word epistle bristles with details as promised, only one image exists that can match this report in its style, its size and its importance.

[Author: Peter Cledwyn.]

He lurched violently, staggered and grimaced as if struck down by a tropical stomach bug. 

The colour drained from his cheeks. 

Braz had just learnt Princey was skippering the Rioteers!!

At times of extreme trauma people often react by turning to family for support. “I’ll let Simon know” he murmured. 

But the fears were unfounded and the nightmare morphed into a dream!!

Princey won the toss and we batted on a wicket of variable bounce. 

Alfie was cruelly undone by a daisy cutter but the occasional ball was climbing off a length as well so batting was never easy and our 217 for 3 was down to contributions of 40 from Harrison, 50 from Jonny Gilbert and a memorable 71 from Princey who’s heroic knee injury cost him so many runs that he would surely have been bearing down on a ton that people, predominantly Princey himself, would have been talking about for years!

Tea was superb featuring homemade cakes, scones and clotted cream. Surprisingly Campbell didn’t materialise but we acquitted ourselves pretty well in his absence. 

The Racketeers were never really in the hunt for our total finishing around 

160 for 5. 

Will made it a good all round day for the Gilbert’s with a couple of wickets in an excellent spell. Bertie and Alfie both bowled well with Alfie having three catches dropped on a day he’ll probably choose to forget. 

The Raqueteers were a good sociable opposition it was a shame they were missing a couple of their top batsmen. 

I only took on the MM duties on Tuesday so many thanks to everyone for responding so quickly and making the job pretty simple and a special thanks to Princey who, as I left the garden of the King Alfred was taking Braz through his innings ball by ball!

See you all soon, Cledders.